


Cruel, Cruel World

by thereisnocowboyemoji



Category: Red Dead Redemption
Genre: Arthur is a good man, Established Relationship, Her and John are bros and you can't convince me otherwise, I love her, John...not so much, M/M, Sadie kicks ass
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-28
Updated: 2018-12-28
Packaged: 2019-09-29 02:52:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,372
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17195132
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thereisnocowboyemoji/pseuds/thereisnocowboyemoji
Summary: "I'm gonna give you a good life, Marston. A life you deserve."AKA a slight AU where John and Arthur have been together since basically the beginning of time but it still follows the story of the game. Super self indulgent.





	Cruel, Cruel World

**Author's Note:**

> Okay so, stick with me here. This is just part of another story I'm working on, I want to go ahead and get that out. This is based on an offhand thought that I had while playing the game, so, we'll see where it goes. Also sorry if it's all screwy, or if there are typos I wrote this in like a cold sweat at 4 am on my phone. Let me know what you guys think and if there are any glaring mistakes!!!! Thank you!!! :)

"You know..the way Arthur talked about helping people, towards the end. When he found out he was dyin' it was like he had a whole big change of heart. Or well...he was more aware of the fact that it wouldn't do him no good to still act so big and tough. I don't think he'd be too happy with all the killing you done in his name." 

"The John that Arthur loved is with him wherever he went after he died. I ain't that John no more. I ain't been that John for a long time." John took a deep breath here, knocking back his shot and not looking as Sadie, instead looking at the reflection of himself in the glass behind the bartender. He didn't even recognize himself. "Arthur would know. I think, no matter what he would love me any way." Another shot. "He was always an idiot." 

Sadie snorted. "I thought you were supposed to be the dumb one, Marston." 

"Yeah, well." John waved his hand as if he was shooing away Arthur's memory. It always failed. "Maybe he was just crazy. He said something, after he knew he was sick. He said something and I ain't ever been able to forget it."

Silence for a beat. 

"Well?" Sadie prodded. "Spit it out, what was it?"

John fiddled with the empty shot glass in his hand. "We was out camping. Alone. He had come and gotten me from camp at the ass crack of dawn. I bitched and griped the whole time but when he pulled me outside my tent I could see him...really see him. And he looked worse than shit." John laughed but it was full of heartache. "Something about the way he was holding me just..made me freeze. And suddenly I felt like I was running out of time. Like there wouldn't be too many chances for it to be just me n him."

Sadie hummed. The background noise of the bar; the piano, men ordering drinks, catcalling and the squeaky octaves of the girl's voices all faded away as John remembered. He remembered it like it was yesterday, could still see the way the sun reflected in Arthur's eyes, the way he refused to take his eyes off John as if he was remembering every detail, every scar and scratch and bruise and divot in John's face. He was looking at him like he wasn't ever going to see him again. 

John blinked. 

"He took me riding. Was only a couple hours away from our camp but..riding ain't ever felt like that. It felt like...like we was running to the end of the world. Like we was being chased by bad guys we couldn't see. You ever felt like that?"

Sadie scoffed. "Only every time I get on a god damned horse."

John laughed. "You are a crazy one, Missus Adler."

"I'll drink to that." 

John was quiet for a moment. He caught the flash of light reflecting off Sadie's ring and his heart constricted. Remembering the one Arthur had given him. He had a matching one that he wore on a chain around his neck but John always wore his on his finger. He liked to touch the band, the coolness of the metal always seemed to calm him down. Or maybe it was just because he was always reminded him of who have it to him. He shook his head. 

"So your story?"

"Right." John tried to swallow but his mouth was dry. "So we set up camp and it's just the two of us. A clear night, real nice. Quiet. And Arthur hadn't even opened his journal yet, which ain't like him. He's always one to draw or write first chance he gets." John twists the ring around and around and around and around. "But he's real..I dunno. He ain't himself. I'm almost asleep, and he says my name. Real soft, I almost don't hear him. And he says it again and again and he sounds so....panicked? Well, maybe desperate is a better word. And I'm up because he ain't ever like that. Arthur is always...was always level headed. Or at least he was good at lookin' like he was." 

John clears his throat, blinks a few times. 

"But that night he was just. I dunno. Doesn't matter now but I was scared for him. But he wakes me up and he takes my hand and he's says 'We're gonna get some money, John.' And I called him a damned fool and he didn't even smile just kept saying 'we're gonna get some money and get outta here. Go some place nice and warm and dry. I'm gonna give you a good life, Marston. The life you deserve.'" John's voice cracked and Sadie didn't even have a smart remark on her lips, watching John with a look that said she understood. She'd been in John's shoes before. 

"I called him crazy. But..a part of me wanted to believe. So I worked harder, I got money. We saved up, just me and him. We finally had enough, and then Micah and Dutch.." John trailed off, his fists clenching white with anger and his stomach roiled. Their names on his lips were poison. "Not even 48 hours after I told him we had enough saved he was dead."

"He was really willing to just leave Dutch like that?"

John shrugged. "Dunno. I think it was just the last dream of a dying man. I think if he weren't sick he wouldn't have pushed so hard for me to have so much of my own money. Knowing he was dying, he knew he wouldn't be able to help me earn none. I don't know. Maybe he was just hopin' that I would get out, ya know? Start a good clean life, take his death for an example. Well, whatever he thought, I stopped deserving that good life the minute he died."

Sadie's shoulders tensed and she reached for another drink. "You ever think you could do it? Go straight?"

John looked at the ring on his hand. He felt the weight of Arthur's journal- all his words of bad poetry about John and all his worries about Dutch and all his doodles of animals and that Albert fella and John- he felt the weight of Arthur's whole life in a bag that was hanging over his shoulder. He felt the blood on his hands that he wouldn't ever be able to wash off no matter how many times he scrubbed and pleaded and drank and scrubbed some more. He felt the ghost of Arthur's hand on his shoulder, of his lips kissing John's brow. He felt Arthur's spirit encompass him some nights and those were always the nights he drank the hardest. He thought about how he was starting to forget what Arthur sounded like, knew he would forget what he looked like soon if it wasn't for the photographs of himself that Arthur had kept in his back. For christ's sake he was wearing Arthur's hat instead of his own. 

John shook his head. "Naw. I couldn't. Not when Strauss and Micah and Dutch are all still alive, as far as I know. I ain't quitting until I squeeze the life outta Micah with my own hands. Until I make Dutch regret every god damn thing he's done to us since Blackwater." John bit his lip. 

"This world ain't fair, John. People we love get taken from us. We've hardly had any real thing to ourselves. Me, after I lost everything to those god damn O' Driscolls. And you? Well just about since ever, I guess. Arthur was good for you. He was the good in you, the point in your life. I think a lot of people saw that. Arthur couldn't ever hate you, no matter what direction in life you choose to keep pursuing. You do what you gotta do, Marston. Ain't no one gonna hold that against you. And if you ever need help, know you got an extra set of hands on your side." 

Sadie clapped him on the shoulder. "Now if you'll excuse me, I gotta take a piss."

**Author's Note:**

> something where John and Arthur got together after John ran off for a year (not bc he had jack w Abigail, he ain't ever been into Abigail and the feeling was mutual) and like, they both kinda realized they loved each other so John came back before the year was even up so they were hella sweet on each other and literally every body knew it and the crazier Dutch got the more he tried to keep them separated and then when John finds out Arthur is sick he's PISSED and it's a good thing Arthur's already run Strauss outta camp but when Arthur dies...when Arthur dies, John dies too. He stops caring about money. About getting out, about changing. He wants to see Dutch dead underneath him and He wants to be the bastard that kills Micah and Dutch and every body else that was too much of a coward to stop it before it got this far. He is angry. And hateful and he turns means. John runs into Sadie a couple years after Arthur's death, when John starts hunting Dutch and Sadie tells him "Arthur wouldn't even know who you were, John" and John is like "I ain't John. I died when he did." And Sadie understands, God, does Sadie understand. She died with her husband, too. So John drinks and he fights and he kills and he murders and it's nothing he ain't done before but he doesn't have Arthur by his side and he feels like every single one of his insides was scraped out with a rusty knife whenever he thinks about Arthur (which is every god damn moment of every day) and he has Arthur's journal with him 24/7 and some of the pages are absolutely ruined where John cried while reading what Arthur wrote, so his words are blurred and some pages are burned where John dropped his cigarette after he passed out drunk reading again and they're crinkled and ripped and the whole book is two good tosses away from falling apart. But to John, Arthur's words are the bible. Arthur saw good in the world, e saw the good in the people he met and the beauty in watching an early sunrise. Taken the time to sketch out animals he could see from camp, the people he called friends. But John? The only good John ever saw was Arthur and that was snatched from him and left his hands bloody and his body broke"


End file.
